My basketball blog is back with a vengeance like Bruce Willis in Die Hard 3….Except there’s one difference….Jeremy Irons is not trying to kill me.

Finally! The Knicks are back!

I took a lot of flack after last seasons playoffs when the Knicks went down in four consecutive games against the Celtics. I watched very game in bars decked out in orange and blue, riling up the patrons, and running to do spots on comedy shows in between. We can all agree I didn’t have my normal pep in my step after that sweep, but I’ve recovered. Don’t you kids worry about me! I’m back and I’ve brought my false hope with me.

Hahahahahhahahahaha…This is our year!

So what if the season is only 66 games? There’s still a lot to be excited for: Knicks vs. Celtics on Christmas day (the way Jesus would’ve wanted it!).

I’ll talk about the Knicks in great detail after I talk about the craziest thing in the league….

So the NBA wouldn’t let a 3-way trade go through that would send Chris Paul to the Lakers. Randy Newman might love LA, but I don’t. I would go so far to say, I strongly dislike LA.  But even I think this is crazier than bag full of Nick Nolte!

David Stern is going to veto a trade because he doesn’t like small market teams getting taken advantage of? This isn’t the 60’s. Players aren’t indentured servants anymore. Free agency allows them to go wherever they want. Paul doesn’t owe the city anything. He was a major star post-Katrina and did a lot of good for the city.

The Hornets are getting A LOT for this deal (Lamar Odom, Kevin Martin, Luis Scola, etc.). Stern is selfishly trying to keep a superstar in New Orleans because he wants this currently NBA-owned franchise to be worth a lot of cheddar (*money). We all remember how the Cavs went down 100 million dollars in value when LeBron left. Now people go to Cavs games ironically or as if they’re visiting a burial ground.

Things I like about the trade: The Lakers are giving up a lot. Despite looking like a peacock, Pau Gasol is still an elite big man. Lamar Odom is a crucial piece on a contender and I can now look forward to not Keeping Up With The Kardashians in New Orleans. 

The Bottom Line is that David Stern aka the Führer (I said it!) will have to let this trade go through. Either that or you can’t accept any trades for Paul because that would just be weird. Also, if the Lakers do get Paul and end up somehow getting Dwight Howard I will be very unhappy so please keep that in mind, commissioner Stern. I’m closing in on 1000 Twitter followers so don’t test me.

I went on a first date yesterday, and it reminded me how great I am at dating advice.

Here’s some advice that will help you out on a first date.

1. Getting ready. Make sure you put on 13-14 slaps on the cheek of aftershave. That way, if she loses you in a crowd, she can find you by your scent.

2. Take her to a restaurant way out of your price range. Then say, “just a day in the life” to the bus boy every time he walks by.

3. Break the ice by telling her you’ve been molested, and you’re not ready to get physical. Then, try to kiss her. It’ll throw her off guard. You’re a man of mystery, and women like that.

4. Make sure you talk about previous girlfriends in great detail. Women like to know you’re a catch. End each of these stories with, “so I dumped the bitch.”

5. Try to order in the waiter’s language. If you don’t know it, improvise. Chinese is pretty much how it sounds, so go for it!

6. When the check comes at the end of the meal, take out your wallet in ultimate slow motion. This is a joke women like.

7. Surprise her with Knicks tickets, and head straight from dinner to the game. While at the game, shout at the players. She’ll be impressed with your enthusiasm and knowledge for the game. If you’re not a sports guy, here are some common basketball phrases: “Are you kidding me?” or “C’mon!” or “This is bad!”

8. Walk her to the door. This is the moment of truth. You want a kiss, but you don’t want to catch her off guard. Stick out your tongue so she knows to get ready, and bam. You’re making out. Her doorman is getting jealous. Stop kissing her for a second, turn to her doorman and say, “you like?” Then keep making out with her. She’ll give you a cue to leave by saying something like, “I love your aftershave. When can I see you again?” Just be nonchalant, and say, “Just follow your nose.”

This is where I tell you what’s up.